We have all been sick...on and off for nearly a month. Last night it was mine and Liv's turn to be the sickest, so we made a mad dash for the convenient care clinic.
It was there, I had what is likely to be an occasional conversation with well meaning, ignorant souls. I felt so sorry for him. Ignorance certainly isn't bliss.
Upon mentioning one of our 4 kids was adopted, he, the doctor said to me, "Why would you adopt when you are able to have your own children?"
I couldn't believe it. Did he really just say that?! OK, so maybe the toothless lady at the grocery store with a cart full jaw breakers might, but really, the doctor?
What are the right words for such a question? Be it right or wrong, I told him that it was silly to me to bring more children into this world when so many are waiting.
Now, granted, 7 weeks ago I gave birth to the sweetest little baby in world, but he was an absolute miracle and surprise gift from the Lord. Craig and I made the decision after Jack was born 5 years ago,that we would grow our family through adoption when it was time. God had given us that desire, just kept doors shut until Evan was ready for us. We can have biological kids, bu what we desire is to care for the Orphan. We will take all the children God wills for us...biological or adopted.
My answer to him, is just that, mine. The decision to adopt is different for everyone. This was our reason.
It wasn't what this doctor was looking to hear. He went on to ask how much it was, and why we would want to pay that much for a child with special needs. (totally implying that we 'bought' our child.) Then he asked if we got a discount. Implying that we perused the "children" section of a store and picked one off a shelf.
Are you kidding me....really?! He continued with his exam, and the conversation naturally changed direction.
I don't have the answers that he wants to hear. It's pretty obvious that he is not a believer. James 1:27 and the host of other verses don't mean a thing to him.
I did my best to help him to see our child as a child...not an 'expense' or a 'burden' or whatever he might think of an orphan. It was to no avail.
Even thinking of something witty or even crass to say was beyond my sleep deprived, viral laden capabilities.
Sadly, he was a nice man. I'm sure he meant well, but the poor guy couldn't see past the end of his nose. He obviously can't see a great big world of pain out there, that millions of children live in on a daily basis. He swabs for strep cultures and collects a fat paycheck. How sad. So, so sad.
Evan has some special needs. Evan was abandoned at birth. We don't know if he was wrapped in a blanket, put in a box, had a note....nothing. We don't even know his true birth date or finding place. Does that make him less than any of our other children? Does that make him less of a person? Less of a value in this world? Gee, I wonder if Steve Jobs (Apple CEO) is any less of a person because he was adopted?
From what this doctor implied...absolutely.
As Liv and I drove home, I couldn't help but feel really, really sorry for this doctor. All that schooling and he just doesn't have a clue.
So, my question is this. How do you get people like this to see beyond the end of their nose? How do you answer their questions in a short sweet and severing way to make them SEE?
6 comments:
Molly, you really should let me talk to him...how horribly inconsiderate, unfeeling and selfish.
On a nicer note, had you had the charming Mr. Evan with you as well, he may have quickly understood the gift and blessing that Evan is on your family as much as the other blessings you have been given. Really, all of your children have been gifts from God,it doesn't really matter the route they took to get there.
But seriously, I'd like a word with the Dr...
Unfortunately, there are some people that just won't "get" it. And it's not our job to make them. Our job is to reflect God's light, and that's just what you did. This doctor may not be a believer, but he saw Christ in YOU. He may still be scratching his head wondering why on earth someone who is young and can clearly have children themselves would choose to adopt...but he is wondering why. You're exhibiting the qualities of a "peculiar people" and getting people thinking. Now it's just up to the Holy Spirit to work! :)
Okay, on a 'fleshly' note, I just like to get that doctor's mailing address and send him a word or two, along with a copy of your post. "Shallow" almost seems to mild to even describe such a person. Yet, I've seen it before. Thank God, we aren't limited to people like that. We are simply here to be "Jesus" to the world, and reflect Him, just as you did, and just as Tara said. Her comment was laiden with wisdom and very well said. I wish that were my 'first response' ...but things like that really do get my blood boiling, so I understand exactly what you are feeling. You handled it well.
Hope you're feeling better soon. I'm TERRIBLE about getting myself to the dr, but I've had a virus hit me for the 2nd time in 2 weeks, so I never really kicked it. It probably worsened with the stress of the week: my baby nephew has RSV, my best friend recently miscarried, and my aunt passed away and we have her funeral tomorrow, of which I have been helping with the planning and preparations. Otherwise, I probably would've headed to the Dr today, as it's dropped heavily into my chest to the point that I had to call up family to tell them they couldn't stay here tonight, and I really probably shouldn't even be going to the funeral service tomorrow, so I'll just have to keep my distance from all the littles. Please pray this sickness leaves our household once and for all, too... It has hit everyone but Breanna, and we've had enough!
Keeping you all in my prayers as well. Have a blessed weekend! <><
love ya,
Tanya
WOW. That's bad. I've been asked that question, but once I answer people have never persisted like this doctor did.
When I was asked that question one time, I said it was our faith that grew our family. Then, when I got a puzzled look I said, something to the effect that in reading our Bibles, we really could see God's heart for orphans and for everyone, really, who is oppressed or helpless. I went on to say that so many Christians follow all the "easy" parts of the Bible (not swearing, being modest, not lying- yes, I know those parts aren't REALLY easy to do, but if you DON'T do them, to most people who are not Christ-followers see Christians that way and to non-believers it would amount to an "oopsie"). But, then I told them how we read the Bible and God's heart for orphans was ALL OVER the Bible, and if I was going to call myself a Christian, I had to take that seriously. What followed was a VERY long, and good conversation with this woman who clearly wanted to hear more of that?
Another time though, I just answered their question with a question: "Well, my question is the opposite: why won't more parents who want more kids consider adoption when there are so many really wonderful children out there just like MY SON who need and desperately want a family? Why do we choose to leave them parent-less instead? Because having a biological child is "easier" or "less expensive"?" Then leave them to answer the awkward question.
All depends what kind of mood I'm in or how the Spirit leads me. When I gave my honest answer to the woman at Sawyer's soccer game, I found it really hard to be so honest with her (people in New England really do balk at people talking so literally about the Bible, so I usually take a softer approach so as not to turn people off). However, I really felt the Spirit prompt me, and before I could even stop the answer, "our faith" popped out- then I was on the hook to elaborate! :) And, it was CLEAR from all the follow-up questions this lady asked that God was at work!
But....having a prepared answer (or two to choose between, in my case) has been a huge help. I never give a good answer when I am put on the spot.
but, can I just say...."What a JERK" about the doctor! :) Glad you feel sorry for him, I know I should too, but I'm finding it hard! :)
I'm so sorry to hear about this. We had a nurse at a visit ask me, "Are the rest of them yours?" It also astounded me that a medical professional would be so clueless as to what was appropriate and inappropriate PARTICULARLY in front of my children. Crazy. I just answered her -- "We have 3 biological children and Lydia is the first one we adopted." I wanted to be polite but sort of correct her lingo in my answer.
But, that's not nearly as invasive and difficult as what you experienced. Ick.
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