Since last winter, I have been utterly stumped as to why NOTHING has seemed to go as planned. Now, for the most part we all have life's little hiccups at times. However, this whole year has been one after another. Blogging carries with it a certain "storefront" if you will. You only see what I have on display. In order to see more, you have to come in the store. Can't blog too much about some ups and downs and big decisions, but let me say they did not come unasked for.
WHAT?! Yes, that's right. I unknowingly asked for all of our 'hiccups' this year. Oops. Well, knowing what I know now...I'd still do it. It's been worth it...Evan is worth it.
I should start out by saying music is my nature. Not as much as my sister, but well, I am older, and did have it first...ha ha. Just as some people cozy up to a good book, or drink warmed up ash tray water, oh, I mean tea, to relax and restore, I listen to music. It is woven in my soul, and I'm thankful for it.
So, back in February, a woman came to our church for the evening. She is a talented musician with a TON of kids. Not sure how she has time to write and record, but she does a fabulous job. I'd like to post this particular song on here, but for now, just a snippet will have to do.
This was also about the time, I really began to seek God about this adoption. I saw Evan just weeks earlier, and knew he was our son, but Craig wasn't exactly on the same page. What sane husband would be when he had just received a whack in pay?
This Unfamiliar Grace song, caught me. It became my prayer. As the second stanza that is not in the sample goes, "I am not satisfied to live a little life. To know a little glory, to possess a little of my Christ. The height where I aspire, and my souls deep desire is to be dwelling in the realm of holy fire. So many seem to settle, for the things they can see, walking in the shadow, of the glory there could be, but I will never rest until I touch the unseen hand, who'll take me far beyond what I can understand."
Well, I took that song, and asked the Lord to stretch me. I live in an affluent area of the country. The 'stuff' people have here, and the desire for more, is incredible. However, when there is a web site, dedicated to photo listings of hundreds of orphans, waiting right now to be adopted, I got a little hot under the collar, and everywhere else.
I knew I wasn't content, and didn't know why, so I asked the Lord to show me that "unfamiliar grace." I wanted to 'go beyond the things I've always known.' It was obvious to me that somehow we were teetering on the edge of something big, but couldn't put our fingers on it. Hmm.... I looked around, and did not in any way shape or form want to settle for what "life" has to offer. I don't want my husband to settle, nor my children. It would be like eating McDonald's day after day after day, when you could really have dined on hibachi, or Chick Fil A.
Evan did not settle. If he did, he probably wouldn't be here today, beading at school and wiping little Polly's nose. No, he did not settle for what his "life" had to offer. Nor, will I.
So, with that determination and prayer in my heart, I unknowingly loaded up my family in the first cart (the first cart is ALWAYS the best!) of the roller coaster. Since we are a family, they gladly hopped in. We've been hanging on ever since.
I asked, and I got. Only took me 8 months to figure it out. Not bad for a blond. Every day, God is showing his 'unfamiliar grace to our family. We stepped out from a comfortable and cozy (another word for cozy is small...check the real estate dictionary) life to see what God had for us. We are definitely getting more than a measure of grace and are far beyond things we've always known. I am not settling, or at least I hope not, and now that I have a taste of God's goodness and might on a higher level, I don't ever want to settle in life.
Had Evan settled when this was his life:
He might never have had all the blessings he has now...people who love him, especially is foster mom. Precious sponsors to care for his needs, people all over the world that have sent him packages, and a waiting family in the US anxious to bring him home!
Evan certainly didn't settle only for what he could see!
5 comments:
Oh Molly~ I LOVE the message in that song: Unfamiliar Grace! That is SOOOOO my new motto! Seriously... I love it. What a wonderful way to aspire to be. We are surrounded in this country by immeasurable consumerism and the WANT, WANT, WANT! mentality. It gets so exhausting "keeping up with the Jones's"!! This song puts that all into the perspective we all need to take on. There is SO much more if we only purpost to 'go beyond the things I've always known'! I'm SO glad we took that step of faith and broke out of that 'comfort zone'..."SELFISH" comfort zone, I might add! I know some people don't want to hear that, but it's really the truth. We have to purpose for more, for our lives to be a vessel that God can work through. Our life on this earth "is but a vapor" ...here today and gone tomorrow. And I REALLY want to make a difference in the Kingdom while I can. It took me awhile to wake up though. But I'm sure glad I did!
And I SO remember when Evan was so frail and weak, that that first photo above. It broke my heart and my kids' hearts. We all prayed together for Evan. We prayed that God would heal his fragile little body and that He would bring him a Christain family who would teach him about the love of Jesus, so that he could have hope for a future! (Yes dear Molly...YOU are a direct answer to prayer!!) We prayed that right after Christmas of '08 when we first learned of how sick Evan was. And to see him today!! ~ WOW! GLORY and PRAISES to God our Father for ALL that He has done! <><
love,
Tanya
Sweet, Sweet Molly!
Wow! You reveal the great heart of being a daughter of the King!
I sit here weeping uncontrollably. As I gain my composure, seeing with eyes filled with tears. My sight is somewhat thwarted by the continual tears welling up as I see God's 'unfamiliar grace' through your writing. Wow! Thank you for your heart to share God's Amazing Grace that He so lavishly and lovingly has for each of us. Hallelujah for His heart revealed in your writing!
It is wonderful meeting you today via the 'blogging' world. Evan is in my prayers as I know his heart is in passionate pursuit of God's heart.
Love...Teresa
II Timothy 2:20-21
I'm so glad you chose to step away from your "cozy" life into the bigger and better "upgrade" that God has in store for your family! They will remember this "rollercoaster ride" much longer than anything they would experience at at theme park! That little boy of yours is a B-L-E-S-S-I-N-G and you are going to enjoy every minute of being his Mama...even the hard ones. :)
Molly, Molly, Molly, once again you have managed to bring me to tears. Adoption is nothing less than stepping outside of our comfort zone for most of us. Most people do not realize that the majority who do take that step are not affluent, but live pay check to pay check. Most adoptive parents jump feet first onthe first car of the adoption roller coaster and never look back. We did. You are, and so are many others. I will be honest, right now I am so stressing about so much with this adoption that at times I would love to jump off. But then I start to think about the bigger picture. The one that will not last forever. This ride that we are on is temporary, but a family for Drew is forever. So, I tell myself that it is going to be okay. I also tel myself that as soon as Drew is placed in my arms all the stress, the worry, the doubt, will disappear and will be replaced with joy, love, and excitement, not just for Drew, but for our God who made it all possible.
It is posts like yours that constantly remind me of the bigger picture. Life and happiness should not be measured by the size of our homes, our bank accounts, the clothes we wear or the cars we drive. Unfortunately, that is how society works. Lives should be measured in love, love for our God, ourselves, our families, etc.
I remember looking at pictures of Evan when he was still Forest praying that a family would come forward for him. My heart ached for him, I was so scared for him. I was over the moon when I saw the little star appear before his name one day.
Thank you Molly for keeping it real and for speaking right to me on a day when I so needed it.
Love,
Mandi
What a beautiful song with an awesome message.
Thanks for giving me so much to think about!
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